Adios Guatemala

I wrote this in my journal when I came home on the airplane:

July 18, 2011

Wow. I'm almost home to Chicago - sitting in the airport thinking about my year in Guatemla. The last few weeks have been SO intense - such a bittersweet mix of strong emotions. I'm super excited to be with family and friends, be home, and eat good food.

But I'm going to miss all the children and other volunteers SO much. It was hard to say goodbye. I know I'll visit and see the kids and some of my friends again. But that didn't make leaving easy.

The big despedida (goodbye party) on Thursday night in the dining hall was really intense. I had already had the despedida with my section and the psych department. So I'd cried earlier in the day. But before the big despedida started, I felt like I was going to my funeral. I'm not sure if that's the correct analogy because obviously I'm still alive. But I felt like I was going to something sad about myself and the other volunteers. It was the end of our lives at NPH; maybe some of us will never see each other again.

The despedida had such a strange and emotionally charged atmosphere. The other volunteers and I sat in the center of the room so that everyone could see us. (I brought a lot of tissue because I knew I'd cry.) Erik, the one who I want to be my "godson", sat on my lap the entire time. It was really sweet. Toni and Jose Luis took their turns sitting with us as well.

Each section performed a skit or dance for their volunteer. We all cried. Besides my section, the presentations that stood out the most to me were:

1) Pablo singing/dancing a solo

and

2) Gomez dancing by himself. That takes a lot of courage, especially when you're a teenager. The cutest part was when Carlitos (7 years old) got up and started dancing with Gomez. Carlitos was shortly followed by Toni! It was wonderful.

And of course I lost it when my section performed. Before the despedida began, I was shocked to see Delmi, Pati, and Lupe walk up wearing traje tipica (traditional Mayan clothing) and make-up! That must've taken forever. And Emerson, Alvaro, and the tios were dressed up like cowboys. It was adorable.

Although my opinion may be biased, I think their presentation was by far the best. They had clearly practiced the dance many times. Alvaro and Emerson looked incredibly happy while they were dancing.

Of course I started crying because it was so touching. My section NEVER does presentations because it's hard enough for the tios to take care of them in the first place, let alone dress them up and organize a dance. Erika (the volunteer coordinator) told me they'd never done a presentation before. And I was the first volunteer to pick this section. So, the presentation meant more to me than words can express - because they did it just for me.

At the end they took a bow. Then I went up and hugged each of them. After that I sat back down and sobbed into my friend Michael's shoulder.

Of course when you're a child it's disconcerting to see an adult cry. I didn't like crying in front of them, especially Erik because he was sitting on my lap. But he comforted me and it was so sweet. Apparently he went crying to his tio afterward saying he didn't want me to leave. :(

But while I was sitting with Erik, Toni and Jose, I thought, "I would love to adopt these kids and be a family." Then I thought about it and remembered that we already are a family - the NPH family. (The home's philosophy is that we're one big family.)

At the end of the despedida, Erika had one kid from each of the volunteer's sections present the volunteers with a gift. Emerson gave me mine. It was a hand-woven banner that said, "Thank you for your support, NPH Guatemala 2010-2011" and had my name on it. Afterward they wanted the volunteers to dance. So I danced with Pati and Delmi one last time.

So, we were already overwhelmed. Then suddenly all of these children were coming up to me, hugging and thanking me. Alex, Antonio, Jaime, Erik and more. Wow. The despedida was the most rewarding yet emotionally difficult experience that I've ever had.

That night the volunteers went out dancing, which was fun. The following days were difficult as well, saying goodbyes again. (I was the last volunteer from our group to leave.) But nothing was as difficult as the despedida on Thursday - except maybe saying goodbye to Toni and Jose. My heart really broke, especially with Jose.

I gave Toni a hug and he cried. I was glad I managed to hold it together and not cry in front of him (although I'm sure he saw me cry on Thursday). Then I went into the baby house and said goodbye to Jose. He made the sign "trabajar" (to work)because that's what we usually do together. So I said, "No, I have to say goodbye, because I'm going home."

"Noooooooo," cried Jose. He kept jumping into my arms. Then they were leaving for mass, so I walked outside with them. I told Jose goodbye and hugged him. He started to cry and it was heart-wrenching. Especially when he wouldn't go with Tio Charbel. Then I walked on the path to the girls' house and still heard him crying. So I turned around and he was still standing there alone, crying and watching me. He definitely understood that I was leaving. (He just turned four so I thought maybe he wouldn't.)

Then I said goodbye to the other kids, and went to Parramos with my section. That was hard too.

This morning when I left, I didn't cry. I think I'd cried so much in the previous four days that I didn't have any more tears. But the good thing was, I felt at peace and ready to leave.

And now I'm HOME!